“Hey, the flat diagonally opposite to ours, got vacated yesterday. I hear that many Indian families are going back for good.”

“We want to leave too. But then, we are trying to save a little more for the higher education of our kids and also to get our house ready there.”

Whether one is seated on a bench in the Salmiya garden or is having food in an Indian restaurant or has joined a get-together with friends on week-ends---conversations on the above lines, are quite common here in Kuwait.

We, the Indian community here, are a diverse lot. However, a common thread running through our lives is: the planning that goes on constantly in our minds about when to leave; for how long to stay; how much still to earn and save; to wait till the fulfillment of which next commitment and the like. Right from the time that we land here for livelihood or for joining our spouse who has his or her livelihood here, that the thoughts keep circumambulating, like in a whirlpool. The newly arrived do make emphatic declarations that: I am here for just two years or I will gain some experience here and also keep trying for placements back home and as soon as I get something nice there, I will shift to India… Some delay bringing their families here, confident that they shall be leaving in a couple of years… Some of us assert that: we won’t stay here for long, as there are loved ones in India who need us; there are parents who are aging and that we shall return soon!

If there are two words which occupy the maximum space in the minds of Indians here in Kuwait, they are saving KDs and dilemmas. Be they the domestic helpers or the workers on oil rigs or the Chartered Accountants or the Engineers or the mid-level professionals or the drivers or the entrepreneurs.

But, does it happen, as we so declare…? No, rarely ever…

TO GO…?

Suraj and Shalini had their first child born here. By the time he reached Class VI, they observed that he was extraordinarily shy and an introvert. He refused to go down to play. He had no siblings either and barely spoke at all, even at home. After much thought, the parents decided that Shalini would move to Mumbai with Aman, while Suraj would continue to earn here and save for their kid’s future. Many friends advised them that to grow up without having the father around, would also not be good for Aman. The parents remained in a dilemma for long, but then decided to go ahead with their plan.

Today, Aman is in the final year of his graduation. He has changed. He speaks well and his personality has developed very well. However, the father is still here and the mother there, with the son.

When kids can be better educated there in India, and good job opportunities are possible and pay scales are attractive too---then the dilemmas should subside. But, NO! The choices have made the dilemmas further grave.

With the steady surge in the growth rate of India and the boom in several sectors of the economy, there are good openings at all levels, back home. The pay scales are at par with the global standards and the overall packages are alluring. The dilemmas have hence, become more profound. Infrastructure has improved much in India, with the roads and the air and rail network better than in Kuwait. Even the quality of education, opportunities of exposure to global diversity and standards, and the quality of amenities in our institutions of higher learning are all better than found in many developed countries of the world.

For kids, the choices are abundant: whether they want to learn a new skill or work on their personalities or understand the history and geography of India. The lessons they can learn from their day-to-day lives are enormous. They see a cross-section of people there and learn their sensitivity quotient possibly. There are hundreds of hikes, trips, walks, plays, concerts, exhibitions, festivals and fairs happening in our country round-the-year which educate us in the real sense of the term, and that too enormously!

Even for we, the adults, the scope to enjoy festivals; go on long-drives; explore the rich flora ‘n fauna of our country; to mingle with people and satisfy our creative and/or cultural and/or adventurous thirsts ---is simply limitless.

So, why don’t we go…?

There are thousands of expats who do not live comfortably; who slog and strain; who remain stressed due to pressures at work and have to sacrifice a lot so as to be able to send money home. A large number of Indian expats live alone here, along with dozen others in one apartment. They have to manage themselves; their money; their food; their safety; have to be ‘cautious’ of the law-enforcers; and face the hostile glances and attitudes of the natives. The domestic workers have to walk and go to different houses, in scorching heat during the summers.

And yet, one may wonder why do they not leave? After all, they might earn well in India too if they take up cooking or sewing or baby-sitting or even other household work.

So, why the dilemmas?

Of course, there are and will always be so many other stories.

TO STAY…?

Vanessa was a lecturer in Baroda, when she resigned from her post (after marriage) and joined her husband here in Kuwait. More than a decade has passed but she has not gotten any suitable job in Kuwait. She does not want to teach in a school, and hence, has little choice but to take tuitions at home. Her husband works in the Marketing department of a company here. After the improved salaries, following the implementation of the 7th Pay Commission, all the peers of Vanessa are earning almost 1.5 to 2 lakh rupees per month in colleges and more so in the universities.

Vanessa wants to return to India and work and follow her passion. However, she is worried if her husband, now in late 40s, will be able to get something suitable there? If not, then her salary alone will not suffice to bring up their two children.

Many women want to return, especially those who could not get any opportunities to pursue their careers and/or dreams here. Some want to be with their aging parents or other loved ones. Some want to return to India so as to live life in total liberty--as and how they would like to. However, they are also weary at the thought of living with a spouse who could remain unemployed for quite some time or for long there. To add to that fear, are the apprehensions of living with the larger family in India. They have had their space for long here now. Thus, for women, the reasons to stay back in Kuwait, even at the cost of sacrificing all of their career-related dreams, are strong: comfort, savings, peace of mind, shopping, and away from relatives (mostly of the other side)!!!

For men too, there are reasons strong, to stay back: peaceful commute to and from work, ease of living, savings, relaxed weekends, good ‘family’ time and to see kids and spouse nestled happily in comfort.

Lakshmi has been cleaning, cooking and doing household chores in houses of four to five (at any given time) Indian families, since about thirty-five years now. She says she came here to work when her two kids were just about two and one year old respectively. Tears still well up in her eyes, when she recollects how she had left them wailing at the doorstep. But then, she breaks into a happy grin, as she points out that now her kids are married and settled and have their own kids aged 9, 5 and 2 years respectively. A wave of sadness takes over again, the next instant, as she remembers the overall heavy price she has paid so that her kids could grow up well; so that they could complete their education; so that they too could have a pucca two-floor house and so that they too could get married respectably. Her husband has had no role to play in all of the above. But he was there to keep watch on the kids when she left them as infants. She is grateful for that, she says with a sigh.

If you ask Lakshmi as to why does she not go back to India, now that she has fulfilled all her commitments, she replies: “Madam, my youngest grandson has asked for a play station just a few days ago and the grand-daughter is crying for a new bicycle. Every month, there is some or the other wish they express and am unable to say ‘no’ to them. And I also think that what will I do over there now? What will I do? Will my daughter-in-law like me sitting idle and not contributing in the income? My husband too is a stranger for me now. Almost, every other month I decide that I will go by next Diwali or before the next summer season… But then, I am still here. This feels like home now. I have good friends with whom I live. I feel free and independent here. All the families, I work for, treat me with respect. I know I have to go; we all have to go… Let’s see when the time comes.”

A MIXED DEAL

To STAY or to GO, are decisions not easy for us, the residents here from India. Guess, the decision is never easy for any expat. However, when the it is a mixed deal either way, it becomes more tough indeed!

The haphazardness with which we have to cope up here—-in day to day matters, leaves us wondering what next and what more!!!Not all of us are made to feel welcome anymore, and efforts are always on to reduce our numbers, and those efforts often aren’t very pleasant to digest. And, the picture isn’t altogether rosy in our primary home there.

Though our kids find it difficult to cope with many unpleasant truths there too, they ultimately have to leave this place after Class XII. Of course, some of us have the means and hence, choose to send them to other shores which glimmer and seem brighter than those in India. It is a different story that what seems to be or appears to be, is very often not. In the present times, with innumerable issues arising in our favorite destinations abroad, the challenges of building a life there, will also be very hard.

In a large number of families, wherein one child has finished Class XII, and the other is still in Class VIII or IX, the dilemmas are further acute. To go with the elder one, and help him or her settle down in a new city/academic institution or to wait till the younger one finishes Class XII and to save a bit more till then…? The dilemma is made more taxing, if our parents need us too. The issue is often resolved with the spouses choosing to stay apart: one with the kids and parents in India and the other, here.

Despite the complex nuances in making THE decision, the fact is that we all have to leave one day! Yes, all of us!

Hence, our indicators are always blinking right… Perhaps, we shall all drive a few miles more, before we take the final right turn!