The Perfect Husband
Monday, September 1, 2014
“I have prepared an Excel Sheet’, Shikha almost whispered in my ears, as we were taking a stroll in the garden the other day.
“For what?” I asked.
“Ever since we registered on the matrimonial website, many proposals are pouring in and it is becoming quite a task to choose”, she said in an excited tone. She was grinning from ear to ear... I stared at her, in sheer amusement. Apparently, it must be a delight to be proposed to by many, and to have the power to turn them all down and finalise just one, I wondered.
One of the oldest jokes about women going for hubby-shopping goes thus:
A young lady visited a matchmaker for marriage and said, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me find a suitable one?" The manager of the Bureau said, "Your requirements please." "Well, let me see. He needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good at singing and dancing. He has to be willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. He must also tell me interesting stories when I need companionship for conversations, or be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand. You need a smart television.”
My curiosity propelled me out of the reverie. Having been out of touch with the marriage market since a decade, I was curious to know what the trends were these days... How did girls weigh their options? What mattered more to them? I nudged her and insisted on knowing all the details.
‘What does your Excel Sheet contain? What is the plan?” I asked.
“Well, am giving points to the 30 prospective grooms whom I have short-listed, from about a hundred offers I received”, she said with a twinkle in her eyes. Shikha was a smart, well-educated girl and a professional too. She, I assumed, had more choice and liberty than many others would have.
“Points for...?” My curiosity was intensifying.
“Well, I thought of doing a comparative analysis, while also practically testing the law of probability which we were taught in the classroom”, she said with a chuckle, and we both burst out laughing.
“No, seriously please”, I pleaded.
“I chalked out my priorities and gave them all points. And dearie, it all zeroes down to the zeroes...”
“Zeroes? What do you mean?” I was confused.
“Zeroes in the bank, dear... Forty points straightaway for how strong they are financially and what appear to be the prospects of growth in future. Yes! Bank Balance, of course! And marks out of twenty on how smart and good-looking they are. Then, ten marks each for how large or small the family is and whether or not the boy stays independently in a house of his own.”
I was awe-struck at her street-smartness and was gaping wide-eyed, as she went on. “Of course, his keenness for foreign trips and fine dining will fetch a candidate more points”, Shikha added with a wink.
“Anything else?” I asked.
“He should be outgoing and have an appetite for parties, music and dance. And at the same time, must be a regular gym-goer”.
“Don’t you know dear what are those men called who are good-looking, intelligent, prosperous and also sensitive?” I asked, and added: ”Rumours”.
She was going on listing and I was going on listening... And, we were both laughing heartedly!!!
Ahhh!!! The endless dilemmas and debates that life presents us with, at all stages... If only such meticulous planning and foresight could bring in the desired results...
Wish all the innocent girls could foresee how the scoring pattern changes after marriage. Forty points then straightaway go to a husband who listens patiently, nods in agreement most of the time or rather every time and another twenty points (bang!) in the kitty of someone who doesn’t ask questions and enter matrimony with a heavy bag of expectations!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Wives, don’t you agree???
Another ten points for a husband who remembers the crucial (about two dozen) dates such as—Anniversaries of all kinds, for example—when we first met and where; and the day we had held hands and the day I had cooked for the first time...
And probably a whopping twenty points for a husband who is courageous and decisive. Most happily married wives may agree that a husband becomes the perfect husband if he is bold enough to take that one very crucial decision of bifurcating areas of authority: that the wife shall decide on simple matters such as savings, expenditure, interior decoration, maids, shopping, child-rearing, management of in-laws etc. And the husband will keep for himself the most crucial areas such as deciding on the next government, trends on the stock exchanges, the next football match, composition of the cricket team, the cross-border issues etc.
Husbands, reading???
:-)
s
Navniit Gandhi is an academic since 25+ years; a feature writer (300+ articles), and has authored 10 books.
Her 10th and most recently authored, published and launched book is titled: NOT MUCH IS AS IT SEEMS
Her write-ups can be read at
navniitspeaks.wordpress.com
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